The Importance of Self-Compassion
Why is self-compassion becoming more and more emphasised as a key element to improving one’s relationship with food, body and mind?
Before diving into the key components and benefits of self-compassion, I’d like you to think back to the last time you struggled with food and/or your body, what kind of messages were you directing toward yourself, were you using supportive and encouraging words or were you being harsh and critical?
Now, people struggling with disordered eating and eating disorders tend to be very judgmental towards themselves and so it may be difficult (or even impossible) to imagine how being kind and compassionate toward oneself would look or feel like. To help you with this I’d like you to think about the way you would speak to a friend or family member who was going through a similar struggle with food or their body.
You may have found that there is a notable difference in the way you speak to yourself compared to the way you speak to others when going through similar experiences. Can you think of how thing may change and how you would feel if you showed yourself the same support and compassion you would to your best friend, mom, daughter or pet?
-What is self-compassion?-
Self-compassion is the ability to look after our own suffering and pain with kindness and warmth instead of shaming, punishing and/or criticising ourselves for the way we feel and/or behave. It also involves being understanding toward any experience of failure, inadequacy or pain we encounter.
The practice of self-compassion is composed by three important pillars:
Self-kindness rather than being harsh and judgmental toward our own suffering or pain
Common humanity: seeing your experience as part of being human and acknowledging that we are all vulnerable to experiencing difficulties during our lifetime
Mindfulness: noticing what’s going on in the present rather than ignoring or disconnecting from the situation, thought or emotion
-Steps to incorporate self-compassion-
Applying self-compassion to difficult eating or body image experiences, can give us the opportunity to learn more about ourselves, our feelings, triggers and needs at any given moment. The following steps will help you become more connected to and understanding of your own struggles, as well as, helping you deal with them with kindness:
Connect to yourself and notice (without judgment) what’s going on in the present moment. Write down any feelings and thoughts that may arise. For example: I am noticing the feeling of shame and guilt arising after eating a piece of chocolate cake. I am also beginning to feel overwhelmed by this feeling.
Acknowledge that this may be a difficult moment, that it’s completely okay and human to feel that way and remember, that the pain you’re experiencing won’t last forever. Use positive and kind words to replace any negative self-talk. For example: I acknowledge I am being overly critical with myself for eating cake and this is making me feel worse. Rephrase: I should never feel guilty for eating any foods, I am allowed to eat and enjoy this piece of chocolate cake.
Think about what you need in this moment to comfort and calm yourself (here it may be useful to think about what you’d do or suggest to a friend that was feeling this way). For example, if you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed by a thought, it may be useful to change scenery, go for a walk or practice some mindful breathing exercises.
Remember that there isn’t such a thing as perfection and it’s our imperfections which gives us the opportunity to learn, grow and change. You are deserving of as much compassion as you offer to your loved ones.